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After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Why? I asked. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? 9. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. 8. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. "They're all mine. 54. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. Eat up! 41. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. In-dough-structible You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. 10. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Then came Dads ships turn. Killed bin Laden. What would As A.J. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Rodrigues there? A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Me: No, I dont. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Long Haul You the eighth, the old Marine answered. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Individual use is by implied consent. USN: Helos Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. What does ARMY mean to you? Did it work? In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. She also liked her scotch. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. 35. Then one day I couldnt find it. They want their patients to see 20:20! Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Even his son turned up. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Me: No. 12. We were a tough group. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. Its a NO FLY zone! Thats Daddy. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Stay out of clouds. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. You had tents?" Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Eternal Piece It took the poor guy all day. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. As A.J. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. A PETTY officer! Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Unless you can be Batman. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. 3. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. I will take the both of you for a ride. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Im 81 years old, he answered. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Speed is life. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. There are many branches of the military. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. What do hungry Marines eat? Marine: Wait, stop. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. Learn from the mistakes of others. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. ! Again, no reply. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Good judgment comes from experience. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Anecdotes 1. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Dad got quiet. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Ocean Pearl, I answered. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. When Is Military Appreciation Month? However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? I say again, stand down and divert your course. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Military jokes! There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. March forth! While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? 13. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. 2. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. But yours is.. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. Divert your course NOW! Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. A friend paid my mother a visit. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. More information More like this Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Yes, she said. 37. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. It was sheer brilliance. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. 28. 1. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. 7. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Now, lets try it again! 27. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Thats my wifes breast pump.. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. Want more amazing military jokes? While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Caller: Do you have his right number? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Where are you from? All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? I was the tallest guy in line. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. 64. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. Later, I spoke with Mom. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Air Traffic Control 6. 17. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. SUB sandwiches! The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. USMC: OHH! ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. He nodded. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Did you make it all by yourself? A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. She also liked her scotch. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. OHH OHOH! At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. You had tents?, USAF: Birds I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. We were a tough group. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Ocean Pearl, I answered. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Me: Still the wrong number. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Because the Army needed heroes too. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Military 3. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. 38. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. Return to Humor Index. I'm impressed! (Hang up. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Its where we park the helicopters.. Takeoffs are optional. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Attention! They throw out a pistol. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years.